Do I have a target on my head, my heart?! Sometimes I feel that way. The past year...as in from August 2008 through today has been one year that I don't understand in my life. Yet it has been a year where I've celebrated the birth of my friend, Lauren's, son, Reid; I've celebrated my friend, Lorry's wedding; I've celebrated Jill's wedding; I've been to lots of football games; I've celebrated the news of my friend, Kristin's, pregnancy with Emma; I've celebrated the new of my friend, Lorry's, pregnancy with Tanner; I've celebrated the engagement of two fabulous, treasured friends, Steven and Courtney; I've celebrated having the joy of being asked to be one of Courtney's bridesmaids; I've celebrated my 28th birthday; I've celebrated my sister, brother, mom, and dad's birthdays; I've celebrated friends' birthdays; I've celebrated friends' family member's birthday; I've been saddened by the loss of a friend's loved-one; I've been saddened by the way a "friend" has treated my dad; I've learned more about who I am and what I want out of life; I've learned that in my life I must do what is right for me; I've struggled with self-esteem and body image; I've struggled with changing friendships or rather revelations of the type of friendship they are was not what I thought they were; I've celebrated working my butt off to put out a rockin' report at work; I've celebrated my sis ordering her Aggie ring; I've signed up for fantasy football and am determined to do well with the help of my sis...we will prevail(!); I've realized even more that I'm someone of second chances...everyone deserves one; I've realized even more than ever that I will not settle and if that means I'm picky or extremely picky than so be it; I've learned even more that my savior, and Lord are walking me through this craziness to become more of the person He has planned for me to be and to the place he wants me to be; I've learned and realized that I may be single for the rest of my life but that doesn't mean I'll be alone as Jesus is always with me and being single with Jesus is way more fun than being in a relationship I don't want or isn't meant to be; I've realized/learned/struggled/etc............................
I've done a lot this year. It has all brought me to who I am and where I am and wouldn't change it for anything. However, I would like to understand why some circumstances had to happen. I would like to understand why my heart feels a certain way about a certain situation. I would like to understand....I would like to know.......I would like.......
Reality?! I may never know. I may never understand. I may never get what I would like. That's right! I'm okay with that. The extremely human-side of me isn't but the part of me that relies on God and has been shaped by Him is okay with that because God only wants what is best for me and something better will be around the corner. Even if I don't think so, I will eventually realize it as God's will is where I want to be.
As such, here is what I do know right now: I have an amazing family...I have some fabulous friends...I am a rockin' CPA with goals for the future that I'm excited about...I have a house and a car (nice ones, I might add, that I feel so blessed to have)...A church I can go to every week...the ability to support myself...I'm an "aunt" to Mr. Reid who I do not get to see often enough(!)...I'm a soon to be "aunt" to Miss Emma(!)...I have a love for music...
I have and know a lot. You do too if you think about it. It isn't Thanksgiving yet, but I challenge you to be thankful for all that you do have and do know. IT is MORE than you think! I know it was for me when I really thought about it.
Now, no this doesn't take away those human feelings, human wants, and human needs that scream really loud, but it does mean that you can be happy in your current circumstances and have a plan that may change but a plan for the future.
So, even if you think you have a target on you like I do sometimes, you can know that YOU are LOVED and YOU are on the ROAD to becoming a better person...the person God wants you to be and you know what you need to know when you need to know it.
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