I need to write about this. I thought about posting a status on Facebook and then didn't. I started a status on Facebook and then erased it prior to posting. I then realized my poor, neglected blog was the perfect place. Why? Because this is my blog...no one reads it but me even though I put it back as public...I can write here and not feel as if I am being judged.
A week ago today a beautiful fellow coach's wife and mom ended her earthly live and battle with breast cancer as God called her home. She left behind two beautiful daughters and a devoted husband. She was diagnosed in October 2011 and since that time I have prayed for her healing and God's will to be done. She and her husband made the decisions they felt best for them and she lived fully up until the moment God called her home. Her husband is a coworker of Matt's. He is the defensive coordinator of their high school football team. Matt is the Varsity Running Backs coach, and has worked with him and known him since 2008. I met him, his lovely wife, and their daughters during football season 2008. I didn't know the depths of the devotion and support of a coach's wife at the time. Matt and I were just dating, but I knew that I needed to support him and come to as many games as I could to see if this was something I could live with the rest of my life, if God had Matt slated to be my future husband. I didn't see much of the DC's wife outside of football season. They live in a different area of Houston than we do. They have two children. We were single, then married, and only have a dog. However, during those football seasons I saw a dedicated wife and mother. I saw a strong, supportive woman who would always be there for her family. I saw a wife who knew what her husband's career meant to him and supported it with all of her being. I saw a wife who was meant to be a coach's wife. It is a calling, you know, to be a coach's wife. I firmly believe that not everyone could do the job.
Last Saturday when we attended her funeral and reception, I realized that being a coach's wife doesn't have to be lonely. She and her family were involved in their church. She knew prior to her passing that her two daughters had accepted Christ as their Savior. They have a Bible Study/Sunday School class that understood her, understood her devotion to her husband and his career, understood why she needed to attend every football game possible, understood her love for her children, supported her during football season when they knew her husband was hardly ever home....they understood (in their own way), they supported, they accepted her, her husband, their girls just as they were. It was in that moment of listening to their Bible Study Teacher speak about her and memories of her that I realized I can find people outside of my family that understand and support me and Matt during football and baseball season and all other seasons of our lives. I do not feel I have found that yet. I thought I had...honestly thought I had. Then something happened and to this day I have absolutely no idea what happened. I don't know what I might have done to cause the change. I know that relationships change and at times are only meant for a season in your life, but this was different because it was relationships at our church. I've never written about this before and I am hesitant to even say much as I do not want to hurt anyone that may come across this blog. I have even spoken to each person and tried to mend fences in the best way I knew how. I apologized even when I didn't know what I was apologizing for. I just wanted a clean slate and to move forward. However, in the end I was told that my husband and I were excluded from things because we did not attend a certain event that usually occurred every week. This event is something that my husband could not attend during football season. During football season he works 7 days a week. Yes 7 days a week and I am not exaggerating. During the season the only guaranteed night I get to have dinner with my husband is the one night that he doesn't have a football game. The only "weekend" that we get to spend with each other is the off weekend and that only means Friday night and Saturday. He is then back at work on Sunday watching film and preparing for the next week's practices and the next opponent. He even watches film at home on the weekends in between meetings, practices, and games. I didn't attend because at times I was told only the guys were attending. However, in the end how can you not include friends you've known for years in events just because they don't come to one thing each week. Maybe it was because I missed some events to attend Matt's games? Although, there were times where I missed a game to attend a church event. I thought they supported us....I thought they were my best group of friends that I hadn't had in years...I thought, "this cannot be happening at my church."
After awhile, my husband and I felt God leading us to try and find another church, but that has been a hard task. I am scared of opening myself up to people again. I am scared of letting anyone in. I don't expect people to fully understand what our life is like during football and baseball season, but I do except them to understand that I will always support my husband and his career. One of the highlights of his week is seeing me sitting in the stands and then the embrace we have at the end of each game. I know he misses those things when I am unable to attend a game.
What I learned from this wonderful woman's short life was that I am a coach's wife and the kind of wife that a coach needs. I fully support him, the other coaches, and the kids. I care about the kids. I follow the kids and their lives after high school. I root them on just like the coaches do. ~~ She did these things too and was also a mother of two.
I hope I can do all that as well when I become a mother. She and her family found a church that supported them as they should ~~ I know God will provide that for us as well one day.
She will never be forgotten and I will miss her this next football season. I hope to see her girls at some of the games, if their busy pre-teen and teenage schedules allow. I look forward to seeing their dad/her husband coach and carry on in the career his wife supported cheered on. I know she is "among the cloud of witnesses" cheering her family on in their endeavors as they run this race of life that God has set before us. She left me with more than she will ever know. She left me with hope; she left me with a drive to make it the best life ever; she left me with faith that God will provide those supportive people; she reminded me to push through/stay strong/never give up; she left me with more than I can say.
....a Heavenly Life began last week; one more fulfilling, happy, pain-free, and more enjoyable than we can imagine in our earthly minds. However, we will see her again.
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